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Steve Urkel: [sobbing] In about a week or so, but she gonna have to miss the prom. They misspelled three words. Steve Urkel: Why, of course it can! Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: No. Steve Urkel: A little? I'm in college. . Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: Why are you upset, Waldo? Estelle 'Mother' Winslow: Harriette, stupid means good. Steve Urkel: Hi everybody! During the class picture, you don't have to sit with the girls in the front row and hold up the class. Needless to say she's not amused as he jumps on there]. [Handing out] Menu, menu, menu, menu, menu. Nick Neidermeyer: Do I have to remind you who you're talking to? But, you're a teacher, Ms. Steuben, and a daaarrn good one. [Laura has stuffed her bra with Eddie's socks], Steve Urkel: [entering] Hi gang! I can't breathe! Steve Urkel: Oh, well, no problem-o. Due to the Urkel character's off-putting characteristics and the way he would stir up events and underscore the plot or even move . Bushwhacker Luke: 'Cause they couldn't catch her till then! Laura Lee Winslow: No no no, a GEEK party, as in nerd, doofus. Steve Urkel: Why, I can see the headlines now! But just to be sure, I'm going downstairs to check the dictionary. Well, name a couple. And from that day on, EVERYBODY could use that library. Steve could've been killed. So, I figured if I doubled the temperature, I could cook it in half the time. Rise! Steve Urkel: Oh, pasha, you're making me blush again. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: It was on his tongue! Steve Urkel: Well, actually, this is Eddie's story. What's up? Carl Otis Winslow: He's trouble. We're doing our best to make sure our content is useful, accurate and safe.If by any chance you spot an inappropriate comment while navigating through our website please use this form to let us know, and we'll take care of it shortly. Waldo Geraldo Faldo: Cheating is wrong, Eddie, and you should know that. Whoo! [Carl steps in the chamber and Stefan starts it up]. Waldo Geraldo Faldo, Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Cheating? Stefan Urkelle: I'll have to buy new parts for the chamber. Carl: Steve, will you please stop sulking and come out of the bathroom? If there was one thing I thought the show could have brushed up on, it would be the premise of the episodes. It's a beautiful language. Steve Urkel was the breakout character for the hit Friday night ABC sitcom "Family Matters" while Jaleel White who played him was the show's breakout star. Carl: What? Harriette Winslow: [feigns being touched] Oh, Carl this is beautiful. Harriette Winslow: You eat all that ice cream and you can kiss your diet goodbye. Steve Urkel: I have a lot of personal experience in first aid. So one day I decided to do something about it. And I'll be coming home tomorrow. And it will also think of a range of mistakes, not just the standard fare of stats guys everywhere: the disastrous trade up. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: March 24th, Raoul's houseoat is beautiful. Family Matters is a comedy that has many serious episodes, something many sitcoms delve into from time to time, but "Good Cop, Bad Cop" is possibly their best offering of drama. Don't they teach Black History at your school? Stefan Urkelle: Well, it could be a few days, or weeks, or [Steve voice] any minute now! Cassie Lynn: All's fair in love and politics. Stop the music! With Squeeze I'm not safe nowhere. no. Not bells, Swiss Melody Chimes. Steve Urkel: Laura, this is a a really special moment and well, I think we should celebrate it by getting married. I wanna take it home and read it to my mom. The only reason I asked you to be my partner was because I was worried about my grade. And then there was the time we went camping and we were in dyer need of a generator and we just plugged the toaster into Uncle Elijah and the Pop Tarts were flying. It was my nickname in preschool! Steve Urkel: Loving you is like trying to touch a star. Estelle 'Mother' Winslow: Laura, do you mind if your old grandmother tells you a story? Carl: Rough. 1. Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: [nervous laughter] Great Wedding, huh dad. A few minutes ago, I just saw Laura and I fanted. I can almost see what you had for lunch! [finds a note hanging on the door] Oh my God. Edward, sure I got a moment. He's usually knee deep in dead mosquitoes. Urkelbot: [Joe Friday Impression] Just the facts, ma'am. Carl: Uh, just bring us burgers and fries. Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: Well it wasn't funny. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Big Guy, what are you up? Dec 25, 2011 - Explore Nadia Hussein's board "Steve Urkel", followed by 259 people on Pinterest. Carl was his horse. Carl: I sure hope so because I'm wearing his underwear. Laura Lee Winslow: Rachel Crawfish, you got me, and I like the St. Louis Cardinals. Carl Otis Winslow: [after bringing Eddie home from jail] Now Edward, stop looking around for Steve. It's not funny, it's dangerous. I wanna show you something. And you taught Cassie Lynn Nubbles, the posterchild for useless people, how to do things for herself. Steve who? Steve Urkel: [opens the back door] Surprise. There's a lot of bad pickup lines out there. Steve is clumsy and obsessive yet charismatic and likable. Can't see a darn thing. Harriette Winslow: [retrieves a coupon from her purse] Ohhh no no no, Carl! Why, you teach us things about life! Harriette: Come on, sweetie, let's get you home and then I can put some antiseptic on those cuts. Curtis: My whole family is flying out to Washington for the funeral, Laura: Can you wait a day, of course you can't. I love this lady [Laura] and I can come over here anytime I want to and you can't stop me! often referred to simply by his surname, Urkel, is the main protagonist of Family Matters. We'll go camping together some other time. "Pass the salt, Edward." Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: No. "What has 132 teeth and holds back the Incredible Hulk? Stefan Urkelle: Good lord, you're a nerd. Carl: This baby has a remote. Cop: [Searching Willie and Waldo] Ok, where did you hide the booze? Eddie didn't have to come back here and confess. Carl Otis Winslow: [ordering in a coffee shop] Just a bearclaw and a coffee. Played by Jaleel White, Urkel joined "Family Matters" at the end of its first season, which one of his castmates says was a production decision that changed everything. Laura: [as Steve and Laura walk in, the guests gasp again] Steve, everyone gasped. Carl: Harriette, there is a car in the living room. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Myra, your mother told me you came here, so I assumed you're becoming a nun. Carl Otis Winslow: 150 extra people on what should've been a small family affair. Oh, gentle Romeo, if thou doth love, pronounce it faithfully. You dumped one of my relatives in a Hefty bag. OGD now knows the police aren't enemies]. Get me a cherry slurpy! Harriette Winslow: Carl, I'm up in Laura's room and she looks at me, and she asks 'Why, Mom? Steve Urkel: I've never tried out for athletics before and the equipment list says that every guy should wear a cup. This has never happened before. Carl Otis Winslow: Richie, I get the money back if the helmet breaks. Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: Willie Makeit? Laura Lee Winslow: No! Carl: Uh-oh. Urkelbot: [Kojack Impression] Who loves ya, baby! Laura: [as Steve walks he sobs and cries on Laura's shoulder] What's the matter baby, did you eat some bad cheese again? Steve Urkel: Sh-she touched me, Carl! Estelle 'Mother' Winslow: It was Jan Matzeliger, in 1883. You've been saying it for weeks. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: I have been scared straight, I saw a guy who had a tattoo of a battleship. Well if he does it again, I'm gonna grab his bellows and make a wish. My doctor slapped the wrong end. We were just having a little fun. I know how you feel about Laura. I'm here. Urkel pronouns are the best. Ty: Actually I haven't got my wings yet and I play the keyboard. Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: Yes sir. All you'll hear from me is an occasional, 'Mmmhmm, that's right.'. Steve, what happened? 6. Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: Failure to signal. Steve Urkel: I've invented nuclear batteries. It was the most terrifying five minutes of my life, second only to watching Lord of the Dance! Laura Lee Winslow: I know, but he said 'get lost, Laura'. Harriette Winslow: Did I embarrass you, Carl? Judge Vance: All right, young man, call your first witness. Estelle 'Mother' Winslow: Carl, you lazy slug! Edward! Carl Otis Winslow: [trying to scoop the ashes back into the urn] Lord, forgive me if I come up a foot short! No one's ever called you 'shrimp'. I'm going home! Does that about cover it? Carl Otis Winslow: I do not care what other people think. Carl Otis Winslow: All right. Her temperature shot up and she tossed more cookies than the Keebler elf. We'll start with a common Korean phrase. Waldo Geraldo Faldo: [reveals his empty jacket] He meant the booze that came out of my jacket. Our limo awaits. Harriette Winslow: Honey, that's not true. Carl Otis Winslow: Harriette, that kid is bad news. Well it's not cool. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Eddo, Eddo, Eddo! Chuck is twice the man, Raoul is. Steve Urkel: Well, look at his poor, pathetic face. "I heard you are looking for a stud. Would you like that? Because check this out buddy, you're alone. If you hit me, do I not sneeze? Waldo Geraldo Faldo: Well I for one am appalled. the signs as potential pick up lines from hamilton. Ms. Steuben: All right, class. [Pulls Steve to other side of room] Steven, last semester I specifically asked you what class you would not be taking this semster and you told me HOME EC! Just as I thought. He breaks something a beaker along the way]. Where do I sign? Chico! "Tomorrow, Dad!" Eddie: Isn't there somebody else you could annoy? Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: When you're hurting other people it ain't harmless. Eddie, your father left you three messages for you and you never called him back. Get down from there! Laura: This is just a model, right? Carl Otis Winslow: Look at it again, Harriette. Steve Urkel: How tough am I? Steve Urkel: Oh no! Just blacked out for a second there! Carl: Of all the names that I have called you , the one that bothers you is butthead? Rachel Crawford: Exactly what were Eddie's instructions? "Will you marry me for just one night?" 7. Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: I prefer to call it sharing. Let's keep this one! Carl Otis Winslow: [trying to convince his boss that using Urkelbot is a bad idea] But Sir, you and I have been to the Police Academy. Waldo: Hey, you don't have to like my cookin', but, please, don't call me names! Wha? Steve Urkel: Oh, no buts! Harriette Winslow: You most certainly do. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: What the heck is wrong with you? When I was born when the doctor slapped me, I SHOT him! You can do it! Eddie: No, grandma. Laura Lee Winslow: Grandma, you're not old. Steven Quincy Urkel (generally known as Steve Urkel or just simply Urkel) is a fictional character on the ABC/CBS sitcom, Family Matters, who was portrayed by Jaleel White. So, if I tell him I don't remember him, I'll look like a jerk and I still won't remember him. Willie Fuffner: [Wipes his own mouth] Thank you. This means you guys have to go together. Steve Urkel: [while Laura and Maxine hit Steve with two Boston Cream Pies] No, AAH!, WAAAH! Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: I'll miss Waldo. It better be a dead relative in your excuse. Steve Urkel: A man's gotta do what a man's gotta do. The notion was apparently incongruous enough to ABC, the longtime home of the hit comedy ''Family Matters,'' which features the geeky Urkel character, that its executives . Steve Urkel: Ms Steuben, you taught Laura to slow down and stop taking short cuts. Laura: Science class. Waldo Geraldo Faldo: O.k., but I'm not Home. Estelle Winslow: Carl! Judy Winslow: Mom, when's dinner? What is the value of X? Laura: Well you're stubborn, irritating, loud, obnoxious, pushy, clumsy Steve Urkel: Hi everybody! Carl: Who are you and what have you done with our son? I promise, okay? Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: [under laughing gas, laughing] I just realized, your name is Doctor Smiley. Harriette Winslow: [grabbing Carl's hair] Carl [Takes her hand away, looking at it before placing it on top of his head instead]. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Waldo come to the Witness Stand. I have feelings. Laura: Thank you, Steve. Clarence: Dude, you a serious little nerd. No. Yesterday he said 'get lost, Fido Face!' Steve Urkel: [Hanging on a ledge] I've fallen and I can't get up! [Laura walks in the door dressed up in a stereotypical nerd fashion. Allison: Look, we're just having a little harmless fun. Steve is the perfect son. [crying], Maxine Johnson: [Maxine starts to laugh while talking to Steve] Ooh, hoo hoo. Harriette Winslow: You hit my husband again and you'll have to answer to me. Second, no one must ever know about this "non-date". You're late for class. Laura Lee Winslow: That you'll never go into outer space again. Eddie: I'm the one who's taking the test. I'll be in all the videos. Why, you might as well drop a boulder on my foot, shove bamboo shoots under my fingernails, or scoop my eyeballs out with a melon baler. Carl Otis Winslow: No. Estelle 'Mother' Winslow: Harriette, there is a child outside digging up your azaleas. Harriette: [sobbing] Clint is driving off and Meryl will never see him again! Well, he got it trapped in the rear door of a Buick and was dragged eight and a half blocks. Rachel Crawford: Thanks Steve. Cop: It's also against the law. Carl Otis Winslow: [after being frightened by Pablo, the stick bug] Did you see the size of that thing? An illustration of a horizontal line over an up pointing arrow. Laura: How long have we known each other? I'm cooking breakfast. Having aired 215 episodes, Family Matters is ranked third, behind only Tyler Perry's House of Payne (254), and The Jeffersons (253). Dadadadada! Steve Urkel: [runs back into the living room] Sorry Rachel! Did you know an African American helped design the blueprint for Washington, D.C.? Carl Otis Winslow: [Grabs his wallet] How much do you need? Clarence has under control. Steve Urkel: I can't! It meant a lot to me. Steve Urkel: Why? He interruped my phone call meant for Laura. Estelle 'Mother' Winslow: The librarian, a white man that I'd known all my life, pushed me out into the street and told me never to come back. Laura: [gasps] I'm sorry, I'm so sorry please forgive me. Steve Urkel: My "play-ground pass"? [Steve goes to answer the door] I'm going to consummate, I'm going to consummate. Would you reward me with a kiss? Could you write that 'A' down on a piece of paper? But you'll never play in this game again. Carl Otis Winslow: Only 2 of them were his. Calm down, easy. You know, Harriette, It's the thought that counts. Steve Urkel: [on the stage of the strip club] Stop the music! And I don't get many calls! Laura Lee Winslow: One of them is my best friend. I just spend two hours talking a guy off a ledge, then found out he was a window washer. Steve Urkel: Laura's got the highly infectious mucus-nasal-osis-inflamicus. 89. right next to the bathroom. [laughs]. Steve Urkel: Actually, it was my dad who said that. Laura Lee Winslow: [Urkel voice] Seasons Greetings, Winslows! Rachel Crawford: She keeled over leading a game of Simon says! Pull your gun right now. Laura: [Curtis is about to break bad news to Laura] Curtis! Waldo: Man, they didn't even know who we were. Harriette Winslow: [Opens the candy box] Candy missing. Steve Urkel: [cracks up] Oh, that's rich! Sara Sue Pettyjohn: [stuck up toward Myrtle's lack of style and class] That's the difference between *old* money and *new* money. Steve Urkel: What? Some of our pickup lines are real-life applicable. Addeddate 2019-09-04 04:56:23 Identifier steveurkel_201909 Scanner Internet Archive HTML5 Uploader 1.6.4. plus-circle Add Review. Carl: [in an Urkel like voice and gives Stefan some money] Here takes some casher rooney and fix it sooney. Harriette Winslow: And you think I'm FAT? How much do I owe you for parking? Welcome to Leroy's! Lt. Murtaugh: They're sending in that Urkel kid. Edward 'Eddie' Winslow: [not knowing Steve and Laura saw each other naked] All right, chicken. Bye! Steve Urkel: Nine years, three months, two weeks, four days, six hours, eight minutes, and fourteen seconds fifteen seconds sixteen seconds. Am is a verb, verbs are our friends. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: What kind of plans? Wha? You don't want to get fried. Laura Lee Winslow: If you're really my guardian angel, where're your wings and your harp? Actor Jaleel White remembers his starring role on the '90s hit sitcom "Family Matters." You have the right to remain silent. In the latter half of Family Matters, Steve started staying with the Winslows as his parents didn't want him around. And since no one will play with me, I have to say so myself. Did you think of me while you guys were camping? On the way to the Sizzle Club, I took a little detour to the precinct. Laura: [running in] Guess what? Carl Otis Winslow: Edward, why can't you manage money like your brother, Steve? Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: What's wrong? What do you have to say for yourselves? Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Laura, I kept this ring in hopes that one day you would accept it. It's Monday! Maybe abrasive is the wrong word. Eddie: As a starting forward of the school team, it's my duty to play round ball not nerd ball. Web. Laura: I was thinking about taking a home economics class so I can learn how to cook. Laura: Let's eat everything and see if he can take a joke! Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: [to a sorority girl] That dress is so tight! Carl Otis Winslow: [Takes the money from Eddie] I love you son. Eddie: Man, I don't have time to study. Laura Lee Winslow: Fun? Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Well, so is Urkelbot!